Disclaimer: The following document fragment is presented from an in-character perspective, it should not be taken as the truth of the setting.
Context: Ghosts exist because there is someone to remember the person and miss them enough to manifest the entity. But what happens when the whole consciousness grid of a world collapses at once? What happens when a single tragedy wipes out the sum total of life basking in a sun’s warmth? The Black Suns are wounds in the very fabric of reality, through which the dreaming mourns.
Today is the 173rd day since I began listening in on the CMB. When I started, I didn’t know what I wanted to find, but now I just feel like a fool. Ignorance is bliss.
About a month passed since I started hearing it. It being a quiet wailing sound each time I listened to the CMB coming in from a specific direction. At first, I didn’t really know what to think. But I kept coming back to it to listen again and again. And it made me feel sadness. I wondered if it was maybe the sound of something lost out there? Or maybe just lonely.
But no. Not nearly that simple.
I only really started to understand it a few days ago. What I was hearing, it was the lamentation of a dead world. I could really start hearing the nuance in the wail you see. It was alien, yes, but also familiar. Loss, regret, sadness. The sum total suffering of every living entity on this distant world. All of them snuffed out. Dead. The whole world was dead. The world itself was dead. If you’ve ever encountered a ghost, you should know this feeling. This desperate want to be alive, you know?
It started like that.
I don’t know why I keep coming back to listen to it. I should have stopped.
It just keeps getting worse and worse.
A few days ago, the dreams started.
I can’t remember any of them, though, except the one from tonight.
It started with me waking up. You ever have those dreams where you just wake up and do normal mundane things? It was a bit like that, except everything was wrong. Everything felt dead silent and dead still. I stumbled out of the house. The house I remember from my childhood. It doesn’t exist any-more. But it was a dream, so that doesn’t matter.
Outside it felt even worse. The sky was grey, and so was the grass. It was dead. Long dead. Not rotten, though. Very dry. It cracked and crumbled to dust under my feet. The trees were much the same, and so were the people. Yes, the people. Standing out in the fields, looking at something in the distance. They looked like they were mummified, I guess. On the spot, where they were standing. Like those hollow shells from Pompeii, you ever seen those? Just worse. A lot worse.
I couldn’t breathe. My chest just didn’t want to move even though I wanted to breathe so much. But I couldn’t. So I just stood there, looking at the sky.
And I saw it. It came with a great wind that blew the clouds out of the sky. Another planet. So close. It was black and brown and grey. With contours of unfamiliar lands and polar ice caps just like Earth. Looking at it made me want to cry. But I couldn’t. My eyes were very dry. So dry I felt like if I’d blink, they’d crumble to dust and I wouldn’t get to see. Beyond the planet, there was a second sun. A sun made from black fire with silver outlines.
That’s when the blast-wave hit me. From two planets colliding. And my body became ash and dust.
I started my morning by throwing up. Felt sick since then. I think I can still hear it right now. The wailing. It now demands we help it become whole again. That sun. It is suffering. I don’t even know how to put into words how much it is suffering. I don’t even want to think about it.
Decided to write this down just in case.
I don’t know what that dream meant. If anything. Actually, just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I need a drink.
Going to go to the library later. I need to figure out what this means. My heart hurts. Not physically. It hurts like that time my father died.
Esoteric Musings... 