Disclaimer: The following document fragment is presented from an in-character perspective, it should not be taken as the truth of the setting.
Context: Since someone asked me about the issue of sex and how it intersects with magic, I’ve decided to post two experts that touch upon the topic. In this text, on the other hand, we’ll take a look at a more sensationalistic take on the subject. It is part on a larger study of concerning interspecies relationships, thus the identity of the interviewed woman was censored from the text.
JC: Before we start with the questions everyone is waiting for, can you introduce yourself to our readers?
EF: Of course, my name is E██████ F██████ , and I’m a doctor of Xenomancy, I specialize in interstellar life, and I’m here because you want to hear about my mésalliance with a star child.
JC: That’s right; I’m sure you have quite a few exciting things to share, but… let’s start with what you just said. So you were married to an alien?
EF: Not in the legal sense, but… well, we did a little ceremony just for the two of us and a few friends. Only from my side, though, I’m afraid.
JC: I see, I’m sure it wasn’t easy for your… husband?
EF: Yes, we can call him my husband. We talked at length about it, and he was always fine being the man in my life.
JC: Oh my… alright. So I’m sure it wasn’t easy for your husband to contact his friends or family?
EF: Very difficult, we’ve managed to very tenuously contact his… ah… his favored broodmate, as he put it, and they seemed happy for us at least.
JC: But, as I understand, you are no longer together?
EF: Yes. Unfortunately, for his kind, the Earth isn’t a particularly hospitable place, and well… he was suffocating here, and I can’t breathe in the void of transdimensional space either. So I guess it was never really meant to be — a very ‘fish dating bird’ situation. In the end, he had to leave to take care of himself and… and I didn’t want him to die for me either. I hope that’s understandable for everybody.
JC: Hmmm… Yes, I see. That does sound like a tough situation.
JC: So, on to the big questions. First up… what was it like, living with an alien?
EF: Exciting, but difficult. He took up a lot of space, and sometimes it was hard to move through the house with him around. There were misunderstandings too. The perspectives we took on things were very different, especially in terms of time spans and what humans deem appropriate to do in the company of other humans.
JC: Anything in particular?
EF: Well, for example, his kind is equipped with very acute chemoperception. And a huge thing was to always make sure he remembered not to taste anyone until they were… mentally prepared for it. Not that it was unpleasant, but I’m sure you can imagine feeling some discomfort about being licked by something large enough to eat you. And he’d always complain about how I let the domestic feline lick people unannounced. Ugh… he was sometimes stubborn and forgetful. But, a perfect relationship is a fictional one. So what was important that we were both trying to make it work, even if it didn’t always turn out the way we wanted.
JC: That sounds sound relationship advice. Regardless of the couple’s situation.
EF: Haha, yes, I guess it does.
JC: You had a cat at the time, then? Was that ever an issue?
EF: No. At first, I was worried about how it might go, but the cat never seemed to mind, and neither did he. I’d say he actually liked the cat, said that the color of its thoughts was pleasing.
JC: Ah, pseudo-telepathy?
EF: Limited pseudo-telepathy, yes. Just enough to distinguish general emotional states. Most of the time, we’d just talk in English or in French.
JC: He knew two languages?
EF: Haha, four, but I don’t know Latin and Chinese myself.
JC: Ah, right. He spent some time on Earth, didn’t he?
EF: A good few hundred years. I think our relationship would have ended sooner if not for that.
JC: I think we’ve been a bit negative about the whole thing, so let’s change the angle. E██████, tell me, what was the best thing about having an alien for a husband?
EF: The feeling of support and safety he gave me… and the feeling of doing something… something a little bit forbidden and the… and the ummm…
JC: Yes, and the…?
EF: … the sex.
JC: The sex…
EF: Yes.
JC: Oh my. And did he enjoy it?
EF: Not the sex, but the ummm… the color of my thoughts when I was climaxing. I’m sorry, can we change topics? This is a little bit too intimate.
JC: O-oh… my… Of course. Let’s see… oh, maybe something like… What was the biggest logistic issue to living together?
EF: Ah, thank you. Well, the construction of buildings. He was a bit too heavy for most second stories… or stairs. So we had to move to a single-story cottage out in the mountains. You know, the view was really gorgeous, though it was quite secluded.
Esoteric Musings... 